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April 7, 2013
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My wish-on-me star,
whose ears I filled to secret’s brim,
whose implosions I hemmed
still layers deeper:

I’m sorry I wore stitches
and scabs with try-agains.

You sacrificed paper dreams,
Crumpling and sending airplane
answers until my skies were
wishgiving.


Apologies have sweetened
on tight-pressed lips—
a thick and sultry wine—

but you’re now constellating
apparitions,  in city skyscapes;
and my vocal chords
are coarse sand

and silence.

If I could wish one more
dream upon my star,

I’d want you to read this
on as clear a night:

I see you now.




I was deeply inspired to write this piece last night when I looked out my window and realized the city lights looked like stars. This poem is very different, in a few ways, from how I usually write. I was incredibly pleased, though, that I did not feel confined as I usually do when I put words to paper: I was able to make up words and phrases without a care in the world.
I hope you will see and enjoy the freedom in this piece :love:

~ Critique, as always, is much appreciated ~ :blowkiss:

NaPoWriMo submission #2
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:iconmozartsnemesis:
MozartsNemesis Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2013
Zomg.

"You sacrificed paper dreams,
Crumpling and sending airplane
answers until my skies were
wishgiving."

...frickin brilliant. I adore your words.

"Apologies have sweetened
on tight-pressed lips—
a thick and sultry wine—"

just...yes. The only thing I disliked about this poem was the title, it doesn't feel right to me. But, thats prolly just my personal preference.
Reply
:iconnullibicity:
Nullibicity Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Your words always make me smile so. thank you :hug:

As for the title... it does not really relate directly to the poem but rather to the original idea (which probably was lost in revision). I wanted to portray a selfish, oblivious girl who obtained her dreams through the sacrifice of another's. At the end, she has received sight. I think it's more like "if I had only opened my eyes earlier." However, sometimes I don't even know what I write: whatever comes out is the poem, and I just revise the rough spots I can identify. Most often, however, I will write personally... and then the meaning is known.
I honestly am not 100% happy with the title either, though... I will see if I cannot think of appropriate alternatives.

I'm happy you liked it! I'm starting to feel like a broken record, and hopefully I'm not boring you with my repetition, but thank you very much for the comment! :heart:
Reply
:iconhfeather53:
Hfeather53 Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
this is gorgeous :heart:
Reply
:iconnullibicity:
Nullibicity Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so very much. I am honored a million times by your lovely words. :heart:
I'm glad you liked it!
Reply
:icondreamingmind-set:
DreamingMind-set Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
WOW. AMAZING. I loved this so much, this part
"You sacrificed paper dreams,
Crumpling and sending airplane
answers until my skies were
wishgiving." was so beautiful. Excellent job.
Reply
:iconnullibicity:
Nullibicity Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:tighthug: I'm so glad you liked it! That was my favorite part to write, but it was also the part I worried about the most; I'm glad it is being received so well! :love:
Thanks for the feedback and for the lovely words! :hug: I really appreciate it!
Reply
:icondreamingmind-set:
DreamingMind-set Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
You were worried about that part? WOW! You are a very talented writer!
Reply
:iconnullibicity:
Nullibicity Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:blushes: thank you so very much! :hug:
Reply
:icondreamingmind-set:
DreamingMind-set Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome.
Reply
:iconstara-aquila:
Stara-Aquila Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2013  Student Writer
Oooh. Whooo.
Oh.
I.
I.
this:

You sacrificed paper dreams,
Crumpling and sending airplane
answers until my skies were
wishgiving.

I had to stop and remember I could breathe.
Reply
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