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Submitted on
July 18, 2013
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There are bruises on my legs again.

Maybe I tried too hard for the stars - struck hemispheres of dreaming too big - while I count one, two, three, four, five shiners on my legs, ten lookers on each arm (your jointed peals of rage) and, probably, forty-four on my heart – though it’s not like I ever counted the number of times you beat me down, before.

It never did matter if I was enough for the 16 years - or for the Escitalopram - because I was never a star jumper that could  trade in comets for the cratered, disfigured life of meteors.


There are bruises on my legs again, and I think I should stop dreaming.

WHAT? I wrote prose?
Yes. and quite horribly. However, thoughts would still be appreciated. Inspired from the way my legs always seem to sport bruises (I knock them on everything - it's a wonder they still work).

:bulletpurple: I kind of want the "and I think I should stop dreaming" to have more of an impact... however, I'm unsure what to do. Your thoughts? Or did it strike you well enough in the repetition of the idea?
:bulletpurple: Weak spots? I know there's probably millions, so please feel free to tell me!


Thank you so much for your time. :rose:

~ Critique, as always, is deeply appreciated :blowkiss: ~

 

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:iconlunar-glow:
lunar-glow Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2014
The visuals and metaphors are great. I think that the last line is plenty powerful enough.
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:iconnullibicity:
Nullibicity Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I'm so very glad to hear you think so. Thank you! :iconbowplz::heart::heart:
Reply
:iconlunar-glow:
lunar-glow Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2014
You're welcome. Heart Balloon Emote 
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:iconforestmeetwildfire:
forestmeetwildfire Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Your fantastic work has been featured here! :heart:
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:icondarksonicsoul:
darksonicsoul Featured By Owner Jul 27, 2013
 love you're writings they're all so amazing and this one definitely is no exception! Great work
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:iconnullibicity:
Nullibicity Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2013  Hobbyist Writer

Oh my goodness! :blushes:

Your words always make me feel so fantastic. Thank you so very, very much for always taking the time out of your day to leave me such uplifting and encouraging sentiments! It's so deeply appreciated :hug: You're just so very kind! :faint:

 

Have a lovely day! :rose:

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:icondarksonicsoul:
darksonicsoul Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2013
You're welcome! I'm glad I can help so much :hug: just want you to know how awesome ya are :icongreatjobplz: 
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:iconnullibicity:
Nullibicity Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer

:squee: you just make me want to hug you every single time! Seriously!

Thank you so much for all of the encouragement and praise! :tighthug: it's wonderful people like you that keep me - and wanting to do so, honestly - chuggin' right along :happybounce:

 

Have a fantastic day! You deserve it! :rose:

Reply
:icondarksonicsoul:
darksonicsoul Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2013
Hehe aww XD 
Hehe that's great to know . Again glad I can help ya :glomp:
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:iconnullibicity:
Nullibicity Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:huggle::heart:
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