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:iconnullibicity: More from Nullibicity


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Submitted on
June 17, 2013
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Yearning for birds –
the reminder of anchors in
each half-moon cresent
so lovingly carved into my soles.

And you play hopscotch in my veins -
the ones forbidden now to bleed -
until I am beaten blue and flat

but there are sparrows in my brain
among cerebral cortex clouds,
and that should be enough...
only it isn’t.

sorry: i'm spamming. just needed to write...

and since there may be some confusion -
half-moon crescents: fingernail marks
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:iconintelligentzombie:
IntelligentZombie Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I featured your gorgeous poem here, lovely! intelligentzombie.deviantart.c… :heart:
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:iconnullibicity:
Nullibicity Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer

Oh my!! Thank you so very, very much! I'm incredibly honored :iconbowplz:

You are just lovely, and I'm incredibly grateful that you thought that much of my work :tighthug::heart: Thank you for your kindness and generosity. They mean the absolute world to me :rose::heart:

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:iconintelligentzombie:
IntelligentZombie Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh! You're welcome, lovely! :tighthug: :love: It's a gorgeous poem and it deserves a lot of attention! :heart:
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:iconlunulae:
Lunulae Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2013  Student Writer
I'm Lunulae. Half-moon crescents. How could I not favorite? Birds, bones and moons--my kind of imagery. Flows really well. Don't know if you're looking for critique, just ignore the following if you aren't: love the first line, absolutely adore it. Would have liked a creative alternative for "lovingly." The anchors and soles are very unique. Hopscotch is pretty original too. Sparrows in my brain, very, very lovely. Last two lines were a bit of a let down, although maybe that was intentional given the content? Could be improved upon, but what can't? Enjoyed reading it.
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:iconnullibicity:
Nullibicity Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer

Oh my. You are just marvelously lovely. :heart::heart:

I really appreciate the time you took to leave me such wonderful, helpful words!! I'm so grateful, too, for the fact that you offered a bit of critique. I am always in need of tips and lessons, so I'm happy to have the advice to grow from!

 

Your compliments, first, just killed me. Thank you for being so wonderful and nice! It is certainly appreciated with all of my heart! As for this piece being a letdown: I reread it several times, and I've come to the conclusion that you're right. It does seem to decrescendo in a way that's quite anticlimactic, and it really does kind of leave the reader wanting more. Thank you so very much for pointing this out! I'm really unsure of how to proceed in fixing it, however. I shall make a note to myself, and hopefully after leaving it for a while, I will maybe be able to remedy the situation. I do like the last line, and I do think it needs to have a somewhat negative feel to it, given my desired concept, however, I think it definitelyneeds work. As I said: I'm always learning, and I still have miles of improvement! Thank you so very much, again, for sharing your experience. I enjoyed reading through your words, and I'm just so incredibly grateful! :heart::love:

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:icondarksonicsoul:
darksonicsoul Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2013
This is great!
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:iconnullibicity:
Nullibicity Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! :huggle: I'm glad you think so~
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:icondarksonicsoul:
darksonicsoul Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2013
You're welcome! :glomp:
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:iconepickblonde666:
EpickBlonde666 Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is so intriguing. It's wonderfully worded and incredibly visual.

Job well done! (:
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:iconnullibicity:
Nullibicity Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You are so kind :tighthug: thank you!
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