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January 22
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Views: 160 (1 today)
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          [ I watched ]

     she tore sanity
     from poetry scabs,
     manicures fraying—
     chipping.

            [ I wept ]

     she chased words
     beneath scarred vows
     within her
     drowsy veins.

            [ I broke ]

     she hung and sang
     from her tired seams:

     “I finally feel alive.”

:iconnullibicity:
I felt a little inspired (hence all the odd additions.)
I hope it didn't fall flat; I rewrote it several times hoping to avoid this.
... is the ending perhaps too weak, as I'm starting to suspect? (or straight to scraps?) : P

Crititque/feedback is much appreciated! :blowkiss:

(Hello and thank you to all my new watchers and supporters!
Especially a very wonderful ~RenosGirl77 who commented on several of my pieces.
I hope to reply to you all soon~)
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:iconbloodawni:
*bloodawni Feb 10, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
This is a beautiful example of GOOD formatting in a poem. :)

I don't think the ending is weak at all, the rest of the poem builds well and your final line really completes it.

A very enjoyable read.
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:iconnullibicity:
~Nullibicity Apr 7, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I'm speechless. Thank you! :heart:
It was my first time really using brackets like that, so I am elated that you think they were used well :hug:
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:iconschongslipper:
=schongslipper Feb 2, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
brackets are overused, but these aren't. I love it, and view it as two different people, though you probably meant them as one. The first stanza is gorgeous, best part of the poem. Great work here.
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:iconnullibicity:
~Nullibicity Feb 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
When I read your comment, my spirit soared: You understood it! I did not know if I made it too subtle, or if perhaps I had not connected it right... but this was indeed supposed to originally be seen as two different people. You have a talent for really delving into the heart of my work, and I am really appreciative of that!
To hear you also liked the brackets... I am so happy! I was really nervous about using them at first, but I just didn't like the look of parenthesis.
I must thank you for all your lovely words!! I am so happy to be receiving them :hug:
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:iconschongslipper:
=schongslipper Feb 5, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
That I understood it is only a reflection on how well the poem communicates itself. Great job using a hard technique well.
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:iconl0ne-w0lf:
Excellent imagery. Your descriptions are so unique.
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:iconnullibicity:
~Nullibicity Jan 26, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:tighthug: awww, you. Thank you so much, as always. I was so happy to receive this wonderful comment. :kiss:
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:iconl0ne-w0lf:
Well you're absolutely welcome. :heart: :hug:
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:iconukebug:
~UkeBug Jan 23, 2013  Student Writer
Drowsy veins...mmmm excellent visual. Me gusta
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:iconnullibicity:
~Nullibicity Jan 26, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! I'm thrilled that you liked it :tighthug:
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