literature

Ink Languid

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Literature Text

          [ I watched ]

     she tore sanity
     from poetry scabs,
     manicures fraying—
     chipping.

            [ I wept ]

     she chased words
     beneath scarred vows
     within her
     drowsy veins.

            [ I broke ]

     she hung and sang
     from her tired seams:

     “I finally feel alive.”

I felt a little inspired (hence all the odd additions.)
I hope it didn't fall flat; I rewrote it several times hoping to avoid this.
... is the ending perhaps too weak, as I'm starting to suspect? (or straight to scraps?) : P

Crititque/feedback is much appreciated! :blowkiss:

(Hello and thank you to all my new watchers and supporters!
Especially a very wonderful ~RenosGirl77 who commented on several of my pieces.
I hope to reply to you all soon~)
© 2013 - 2024 Nullibicity
Comments13
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camelopardalisinblue's avatar
This is a beautiful example of GOOD formatting in a poem. :)

I don't think the ending is weak at all, the rest of the poem builds well and your final line really completes it.

A very enjoyable read.