literature

01

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Literature Text

Shall I compare thee to a rose's thorn,
Both equal in elegance and violence?
Thou hath stuck hard my heart and left it torn,
Yet still I reply with perseverance.
Is this what is referred to as madness—
Though insanity might be more suited?
My reflection, a stranger I repress,
Bears flesh of which love's cruelty is branded,
And though it's unseen, remains eternal.
If born anew, would my love be pardoned?
Love blinded my sight, left me hateful,
And my poor heart blackened, disheartened.
I'm rid of you, once more solitary,
Still missing the love that cleaved through my veins.

Because without your love, what is my purpose? ....


________________

My English teacher challanged us to do our own sonnet using the introduction "Shall I compare thee" from Shakespeare's sonnet 18. This is my first sonnet and you don't even want to know how long it took me to write it! I had written the whole thing once, only to realize I had forgotten to make it rhyme :facepalm:. Then I rewrote it trying to keep in mind the iambic pantameter. It was hard but I very much like the outcome! Hopefully you guys will enjoy it too!

Critique is most welcomed, but please be gentle with me! :thanks:
© 2012 - 2024 Nullibicity
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UinenFirestar's avatar
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Overall
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Vision
:star::star::star::star::star: Originality
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Technique
:star::star::star::star::star: Impact

Hey there, Nulli. First off, let me say that I really liked this sonnet. For your first go at this, and especially after writing it once then having to go back and make it rhyme and adjust the meter, it's really good. There are a few places where you hit it spot-on:

Lines 5-6 have great meter... --` --`--`- / --` --` --`-. One half-beat more than your average sonnet, but the lines are consistent and so flow nicely.

Lines 11-12 also have good meter... --` --` --`- / --` --` --`. You'll note they aren't the same length; I would suggest taking out the "has" in L11 if you want true iambic pentameter.

In Lines 2 and 4, the rhyme is very original-- unexpected. That was a mark of Shakespeare's work, and you emulate it well.

In Line 12, the image of the disheartened heart is a great bit of wordplay-- again, original and unexpected. I was very impressed.

My only suggestion for improvement would be to watch the meter. Iambic pentameter can be a pain in many unmentionable places to get right consistently, but a writer friend of mine once gave me this bit of insight which I will share with you. Boundaries and restrictions on your writing give you focus, and that focus can quickly lead to creative solutions you would not have considered otherwise. So keep practicing. I look forward to reading more of the same in the future!